Humility and Love

Humility and Love

I recently finished reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller.  In it, Miller makes a startling observation. He says Christians use love as a commodity. If someone wears the right clothes, speaks and acts like we do, we accept them. If they look unkempt or act strangely– we withhold love and acceptance.

Miller said that the season in his life where he felt most accepted by people was when he was living with hippies. They had no agenda for him, no code of honor, they just ‘let it be.’ How tragic that the people who love God are sometimes the last to give it.

When we don’t accept people as God calls us to, we end up turning Christianity into a bunch of rules. Then we sit around judging each other for not measuring up. Often, we fear rejection from others, and unwittingly become a slave to needing to act a certain way to be loved (this is Performance Orientation - see previous post).

In Matthew 5:46 Jesus says, “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even tax collectors doing that?”  Jesus calls his followers to something much higher then the worldly standards for love. He calls us to love the unlovely.

In the bible, the main message of First Corinthians chapter thirteen, is – If I do good deeds, but don’t have love in my heart, it counts for nothing.  Nothing.

God isn’t solely looking for actions, he is looking at the motivation of our hearts. If this sounds impossible, I think it’s supposed to be. God doesn’t want us to love out of human strength, he wants us to be participate with him in supernatural love. It is only by the power of the Holy Spirit that we can accomplish this.

I’m getting the revelation that true love requires humility. You can’t strive to be popular or well liked and love people like Christ calls us to. In humbling ourselves and asking God for his love, we will begin to love like He does.

I believe the greatest cure for lack of love (and Performance Orientation) is having a heart revelation of God’s deep and abiding care for us, personally. Years ago, I consciously took time to immerse myself in God’s love. For a year I only read scripture passages on the love of God. I only listened to music or teaching series on the topic. Slowly my heart began to receive God’s love like never before. I began to accept myself, and others, in a new way. I didn’t need other people’s approval to feel okay. Freedom.

I’ve also found that when I ask God to help me love someone, He provides. When I’ve been obedient to reach out to “the least of these” often I’m blessed in a way I hadn’t anticipated.  Sometimes all that is necessary is simple obedience.

I love the phrase “Jesus reduce me to love.” Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Humility and Performance Orientation

Humility and Performance Orientation

For a season in my life, many of the Christians around me believed that in order to be a good example toward others, we should project an appearance of perfection. We should dress nicely and try to do good works. While something didn’t seem quite right about that, I jumped right in, determining to do the “right” things so that I would be esteemed and liked by everyone.

Later, I came to see this approach as Performance Orientation (PO). PO means the bent of your life is to look good/do the right thing, so that you can feel good about yourself and gain acceptance from others and God.

The problem with Performance Orientation is love can neither be bought nor earned.

God began to change my viewpoint after I attended an experiential Christian conference. It was revealed to me there how fake I had become – how totally PO I was acting. God showed me that what I had to offer people was actually my own brokenness.

I began to get the revelation that you can’t be Performance Oriented and broken at the same time. I discovered that PO actually has its roots in pride. Pride hides her imperfections. Pride is Puffed-up, Rigid, Independent, Demanding and Egocentric. When I am Performance Oriented I risk God’s opposition, since He opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

The bible instructs us many times to humble ourselves. Therefore, looking good in front of others is actually the opposite of what God wants us to do. The people in the bible who were the most “together” were the ones Jesus had the strongest words for. He called the Pharisees white washed tombs – clean on the outside but rotting within. Isn’t that what we’re doing when needing to look perfect?

When I’m honest about my problems and weaknesses people open up to me about their struggles. This builds intimacy and depth to relationships. The fruit then, of living from a place of brokenness is intimacy and encouragement for others who struggle.

Even though humbling ourselves is difficult, each of us has a choice everyday – do I project an air of perfection and risk God’s judgment and isolation from people or do I humble myself and gain the favor and grace of God, along with intimacy with others? What will you choose?

Humility and Pride

Humility and Pride

For most of my life, I’ve believed that humility is a vital virtue. But not so fun when it’s my turn. Recently, our family had to move in with a family from our church. My husband, Jor was working on his own business for a couple years and neither funding nor a job was coming together. After getting counsel from our pastor and other Christian friends, we were encouraged to find someone to move in with.

When I started to face this fact, I spent hours crying. I didn’t want to lose our spacious home of six years. I felt ashamed by the apparent failure. I hated the fact that it showed that I didn’t “have it all together.” I feared others would say, “Well you should have done XY and Z or you wouldn’t have ended up in this situation.” But God showed me that this was pride.

I don’t see myself as a particularly prideful person. Usually, when I do something wrong, I admit it and apologize. I try to be honest and real with people. However, when it came down to moving out of our home, I didn’t want to tell people. I felt fine telling those really close to us. But when it came to others, I cringed.

I’ve been listening to this song called Alabaster Box by Julie Meyer (from Ihop). The song is referring to the story of a sinful woman in the bible who was so thankful for what Jesus had done for her, that she did a scandalous thing. She took a jar of very expensive perfume – probably her dowry – and broke it at Jesus’ feet. Some on-looking religious leaders judged her saying, “What a waste,” but she didn’t care. The lyrics, “All I have, and all I am…I give it all to you…I take my alabaster box and I break it open. Let the fragrance arise.” Her thankfulness was so strong that she scorned what others thought and showered her love and worship on Jesus. Her sacrifice rose as a fragrant offering. She gave up her future and in reckless abandon, gave it all to Jesus.

Jesus said, “Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.” Oh. Right. I had bought into the worldly mindset that says you’ve arrived when you “have it all.” And here is Jesus saying, give it all. “Life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.” Very counter intuitive when you live in materialistic Silicon Valley. Proverbs 18:12 says, “Humility comes before honor,” not worldly success. How does humility come before honor? There is one stark example from scripture – Jesus’ humiliating death on criminal’s cross. Because of Jesus’ obedience, God gave him the name that is above all other names. Humility came before honor.

When God called Jor to start his business, I thought that He would bless us by allowing it to succeed. Instead, we crashed, financially. Did God let us down? Did we miss something? After the disappointment phase I came to the surrender phase. Could I be like the woman with the alabaster jar? Could I give up all I had, in love and adoration of Jesus, rejecting, “what others might think?”

Even though it hurt to lose our home, God was also blessing. The people who took us in had just remodeled their home so as to use their gift of hospitality. They invited us to become part of their family, since their own children were grown. Days after our move, I felt that God was giving me the Christian parents that I never had and grandparent for my kids. They’ve fed us, shopped for us, given us three bedrooms and met more needs than I could imagine.

I’m learning that following Jesus does not guarantee material success. He cares about spiritual progress, not upward mobility. He allows humbling circumstance into our lives, to test our hearts. Will we truly give up what we have to follow? God wants to bless us but not always in the way we want to be blessed. It is in humbling ourselves that we can find the treasures that can only by found at His feet.