For a season in my life, many of the Christians around me believed that in order to be a good example toward others, we should project an appearance of perfection. We should dress nicely and try to do good works. While something didn’t seem quite right about that, I jumped right in, determining to do the “right” things so that I would be esteemed and liked by everyone.
Later, I came to see this approach as Performance Orientation (PO). PO means the bent of your life is to look good/do the right thing, so that you can feel good about yourself and gain acceptance from others and God.
The problem with Performance Orientation is love can neither be bought nor earned.
God began to change my viewpoint after I attended an experiential Christian conference. It was revealed to me there how fake I had become – how totally PO I was acting. God showed me that what I had to offer people was actually my own brokenness.
I began to get the revelation that you can’t be Performance Oriented and broken at the same time. I discovered that PO actually has its roots in pride. Pride hides her imperfections. Pride is Puffed-up, Rigid, Independent, Demanding and Egocentric. When I am Performance Oriented I risk God’s opposition, since He opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
The bible instructs us many times to humble ourselves. Therefore, looking good in front of others is actually the opposite of what God wants us to do. The people in the bible who were the most “together” were the ones Jesus had the strongest words for. He called the Pharisees white washed tombs – clean on the outside but rotting within. Isn’t that what we’re doing when needing to look perfect?
When I’m honest about my problems and weaknesses people open up to me about their struggles. This builds intimacy and depth to relationships. The fruit then, of living from a place of brokenness is intimacy and encouragement for others who struggle.
Even though humbling ourselves is difficult, each of us has a choice everyday – do I project an air of perfection and risk God’s judgment and isolation from people or do I humble myself and gain the favor and grace of God, along with intimacy with others? What will you choose?
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9 comments:
Wonderful words of wisdom Helen. Thanks for sharing. Perfection is always flawed, it is intention and honesty that matters - and LOVE in action :) - xoxox
Amen to that! Thanks for sharing your experiences and insights.
Great observations and encouragement. Keeping a facade up is not only tiring but doesn't serve anyone-especially God. I was taught PO meant pissed off. But now I have a new take on that acronym. Maybe PO just gets God PO'd--and that's not a good thing!
Thanks for your comments. Did you read my previous post?
Susanne, I love that PO'd about being PO.
Helen, I see the "just be humble and broken, and that is what God likes" as another mask we put on ourselves - "see how humble and broken I am!". It can be just as performance oriented as perfection.
Isn't serving God a walk of obedient love, where self-concern is not even in the picture? Love God and love you neighbor, that is a tough enough charge for any of us.
We don't need to dwell on our past, our failures, or our fears. We need to confess, repent and get on with the work our loving Savior has blessed us with, the work that keeps us from the kind of constant introspection that leads to performance orientation.
Whatever brokenness we have is a gift from God anyway, and is so for just that purpose, to deepen our relationships, to open the hearts of those who God asks us to love with His love.
Thanks, Helen for making me think.
I think part of the pressure is a misplacement of sanctification in our theology. The thought goes like this: if Christ is truly in us, he is working in us to be better and better people. SO . . . the better looking our lives are, the more truly we are following God. It is true that God molds and refines us throughout our lives. But as you said, perfection is an impossible standard and a trap. It is so much more freeing to live by grace, to understand that I (and everyone else) am a screw up, and that's okay. We can live longing for and seeking God's likeness in our lives, but also content with the idea that in fact we will never be perfect, or anything close -- and that that is perfectly okay.
PS "Aquitaine" is Joyce in Des Plaines.
I agree with Joyce, er, Aquitaine, as she says so well. We are not perfect, and (my conclusion) that should keep us humble and connected to all other humans.
Her statement of "we will never be perfect" made me pause. If "perfect" means "without sin", then we will be perfect when we get to heaven, yes?
I will have to do a bible search and try to see what is said there. I cannot think of a verse, but hope I am just forgetful.
This is powerful, Helen, and true for me too. It's a battle I have to constantly stay on top of and remember that our brokenness speaks so much true and louder than a mask. Authenticity is my choice and one I started praying for about 11 years ago when I realized the disparity between what people saw and who I truly was.
The beauty of it was, I realized when I let down the mask, I could share my pain...my burdens and not have to carry them by myself anymore.
It's a struggle sometimes, I have to remind myself it's okay to let people see me less than perfect. ;-)
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