Interrupted by God

Last Friday, while delivering my son to a scouting event, my plans for the evening were thwarted. Seeking to capitalize on a childless evening, I wanted to go directly home for a short date with my husband. As I drove past the nearby Indonesian store I asked God, “Can I skip it this time?” You see, for the last year or so, every time I take my son to scouts, I’ve felt prompted to stop in to say hi to the store owner, Bob, an older Chinese man. Bob loves to discuss religion and we often get into interesting conversations. Despite my reluctance, I turned into the grimy parking lot. As soon as I walked in the door, Bob exclaimed, “I knew you were going to come in today, even though it isn’t Tuesday.” I thought to myself, ‘And I almost didn’t.’ We chatted for awhile and then I headed home.

Cruising down Snell avenue, my attention kept being drawn to this man in a bright red shirt sitting at the bus stop. I reminded God of my date with Jor, and how Mr. Red Shirt didn’t look like he was in need. But I couldn’t get this man out of my mind, so I turned around. I pulled up to the bus stop and apprehensively got out of the car. I introduced myself, saying,  “I was driving by and felt God wanted me to stop and tell you that He loves you. Is there anything you need?” He proceeded to tell me he was living at a shelter and had just finished his day of work from a commission-only job. I offered him a ride and as we drove I asked him how he wound up homeless. He said, “By making bad choices...Actually, I just started praying a few days ago and my mom told me that God would let me know He was there, and here you come stopping by.” I felt a shiver.

Since we were near my apartment, we picked up my husband and together we drove him to the shelter. The young man kept expressing his thankfulness to us. I replied, “And to think I almost didn’t obey God when He asked me to talk to you.” The young man said, “And I need to obey too.” As we drove away we felt grateful that we followed God’s plan for the night instead of our own.

Raising Adults

By next week I will officially have two kids in college. One of my parenting mottos has been, “We are raising adults.” And here we are.

When my children were young they took everything I had. The sleepless nights, the diaper changing, the crying, then the whining took their toll. It was a hostile take-over. But gradually I learned to enjoy and relish each developmental season.

Last year, when my daughter left for the first time, the hole in our family was palpable. Unexpectedly, the four remaining family members drew closer and fresh intimacies emerged. New beginnings all around.

“There is life after kids,” I’ve been told by happy empty-nesters in my church. This helps me to know that there is fulfillment, meaning and opportunity post-child rearing. The “hostile take-over” is coming to an end. Thankfully, I still have one more at home to raise. And I’ll never stop watching from afar as my offspring explore new horizons. My “adults” are almost raised and it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

Humility Precedes Honor

“Humility precedes honor.” Proverbs 18:12

Do you compete with others to be accomplished or admired? Do you strive to get into (or head up) the popular crowd, out-perform others at work or school, or boast of some other success? If so, I’d like to suggest that these attitudes conflict with Spirit-filled living.

Scripture teaches us to humble ourselves, be inclusive and look to God for our sense of value. Humility (not accomplishment) comes before honor. This means after we humble ourselves and live for God, at the proper time, we will be honored.

When Christians form exclusive cliques or clubs, look down their noses at seemingly unsuccessful people or put on airs of having it all together, this is incompatible with the humility Christ desires from us. The root of these behaviors is Pride.

Humility includes the withdrawn or needy person, values people even if they are different from us, and is honest about mistakes and shortcomings. 

If you struggle with pride, I suggest you take some time to repent and humble yourself before God. Then, invest in your relationship with Christ by letting God’s word “read” you. This will expose lies and set you free to humbly serve others, trusting God to fulfill any need for honor or acclaim.

Are You in the Faith?

“Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?” 2 Cor. 13:5

Are you really living “in the faith?” Have you honestly asked yourself this question lately? I did recently and felt convicted that I was trusting my personal comfort more than Christ. This stung my pride a bit. But it got me thinking. How does personal comfort take away from my devotion to Christ?

Seeking personal comfort is not wrong – we all need to eat, sleep and work in an adequate environment. It is when we seek these things above our relationship with Christ that it causes trouble. If I am eating ice cream to make myself feel better, rather than seeking Him for help with my problem, I am having faith in food. If I worry about my lack of sleep, I am trusting in a good night’s sleep, more than in Christ, who is more powerful than sleep. If my workload suddenly increases and I get angry and snappy, I’m putting faith in things going my way instead of believing in Christ to guide and sustain me.

Developing an intimate and secure relationship with Christ takes conscious effort. We often forget, or maybe haven’t learned, the overwhelming satisfaction that comes from trusting Christ. We set aside the only wise One who can give us guidance and peace and rely upon temporal things that do not ultimately satisfy. This dishonors Christ, who tells us that apart from Him we can do nothing. We were joyously created to depend upon Him.

What about you? I suggest you take a few minutes right now to examine your heart. Ask Him if you are trusting in Him or something else. Repent of anything He shows you. Keep moving forward in Christ by investing in Him through Bible reading, two way prayer, worship and fellowship. Remind yourself that Christ is in you and trust Him for your every need.

Set Straight by Love

May the Lord guide your hearts into the love of God.
2 Thess. 3: 5 WNT

The phrase, “God loves you” has become so over-familiar, that we easily dismiss and disregard it. The problem is, most of us don’t have a deep, heart revelation of God’s love. In the song, Break the Chains, by Misty Edwards, she sings, “Come break the chains, the chains that hinder love.” There are many barriers and chains to receiving God’s love and much to overcome before we reap its benefits.

The Greek word for ‘guide’, in this verse, is usually translated ‘direct’ but means to make straight. I wonder if Paul is saying, ‘may God straighten out your hearts by his love’. Our hearts carry lies and distortions which need God’s unconditional affection to align our hearts with His. This verse offers us both a prayer to pray and a sentiment from God, “I want you to know my love.”

A number of years ago, I spent a year focusing on God’s love. I listened to sermons and music and read books and scripture, solely on the topic of God’s love. As I did this, God guided my heart into his love and straightened me out. I experienced less criticism and judgment toward myself and others and demonstrated more grace and forgiveness. Freedom!

If you find yourself joyless and critical of yourself and others, I encourage you to take a year to meditate on God’s love. I pray this for you now, that God would direct your heart into his vast and providential love. Amen.

Why I Hate Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day has evoked a myriad of negative emotions over the years. When I was single it was, “Will anyone ever love me? Will I be alone for the rest of my life?” I would imagine all these happy women getting cards and candy and there was Helen, alone and unloved. I heard recently that Valentine’s Day is called SAD - Singleness Awareness Day. I think that sums it up pretty well.

The issues, however, did not end after I said, “I do.” Then it became, “I wonder if my husband will get me anything for Valentine’s Day?” Or, “Why can’t he be more original, flowers again?” So now we have MADD - Married and Discontent Day. Is anyone happy on Valentine’s day?

Years ago my husband and I decided not to exchange gifts on Valentine’s Day. My husband loves me, he’s just not big on gifts, so let’s just forget about it. Neither of us could stand the stress.

Now I’ve determined to stop focusing on what I don’t have on Valentine’s Day and be content with what I have. Now I try to bless someone instead. So on this day, choose to be content with your life and find someone to bless. Don’t let Valentine’s Day make you SAD or MADD.

Solitary Companionship

And he withdrew himself into the wilderness, and prayed. Luke 5:16 KJV

Do you long for more alone time or are you the type who wants to be with people constantly? Personally, I am the latter. I love to spend time with others and have loved being busy and active. In the past, I became addicted to busyness, striving to carry out everything on my to-do list while perfectly parenting my children. At times, the activity drove me to fantasize about living in a monastery, spending my life totally devoted to God and prayer.

My life took a radical shift when I received the diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue/Fibromyalgia, which forced me to rest for many hours a day. My new life brought not only physical pain, but the ache of being left behind while my family participated in social events. I wrestled with self-pity and depression. I didn’t understand how God could let this happen to me.

Thankfully, I met some godly women on the Internet who offered a listening ear and great encouragement. They too faced chronic illnesses, yet spoke of how they spent the time away from family in prayer, worship and bible reading.  They inspired me to deepen my relationship with God. Over many months, as I invested the time in prayer and worship, I found Him ready and willing to speak to me, to show me love, and to share mysteries from His word.

Now when my family leaves, I relish the opportunity to just be with God. No one needs me, no one interrupts or demands. It struck me this week that I have the best of both worlds. I get to experience the joy of marriage and family and find stretches of time to spend with God, like someone living in a monastery. Since the word monastic comes from the root word meaning alone, I think I’ll now call these occasions my monastery time. 
 
How about you? Do you use time alone to grow, spiritually? If solitude escapes you, can you re-frame your schedule to make more room?

Barnyard Glory

Luke 2:7 Because there was no lodging available for them, she wrapped the baby in cloth and laid him in a feeding trough.


Have you ever wondered what went through Mary and Joseph’s minds during the pregnancy and birth of Christ? What did they feel on the long journey to Bethlehem? I picture Mary, with each jolt jostling her pregnant body, thinking, “Why didn’t I just stay home?” By the time they wearily arrived at their destination, they found all the hotels booked. “I told you we should have left earlier,” quipped Joseph.
“If you would have only contacted cousin Peter, we wouldn’t be in this position,”complained Mary.
They both wonder, “Where the heck are we supposed to stay? Surely God has something special prepared.”
Yes, He did - a smelly barn. Perhaps Mary thought (after adjusting her expectations about their housing), that somehow she could get back home before the baby comes. No, that didn’t work out either. Mary delivered their first born in that barn far away from family and the comforts of home. Exhausted, she used the feeding trough as a bassinet. Did anyone bring the hand sanitizer and wet wipes? It’s hard to believe God planned it all.

Have you ever felt called to step out in faith, like Mary and Joseph, only to face countless setbacks and disappointments? Unrealistic expectations along with unbiblical teaching can set us up for frustration and defeat. The prosperity gospel, which equates material blessings with spiritual ones, tells us if you follow God’s dreams your future will be bright. However, they neglect to mention that following God is costly, “We must suffer many hardships to enter the Kingdom of God.” (Acts 14:22)

This Christmas, I am reflecting on the fact that it cost Mary and Joseph dearly to follow God. They probably had to constantly readjust their expectations when faced with the many challenges that came with what was entrusted to them. They had to walk by faith when nothing made sense - an immaculate conception? Friends rejecting them. No room at the Inn? If the circumstances in which God sent his son required hardship and faith, surely we can expect the same.

Are you facing disappointment this Christmas? Did you experience loss this past year? Whatever happened, it doesn’t mean you’ve been forgotten or are unloved. We can see from the first Christmas that a life of faith requires suffering. In this life glory and dung will coexist. If we can accept this, and lay down offenses, we will find meaning, purpose and fulfillment like Mary and Joseph did.

Our Creation

A friend recently shared a vision with me where she saw Jesus walking toward a bassinet where she was lying as a baby. He picked her up and with great joy began singing love songs and dancing around with her in His arms. Then a bright beam of light from above imparted into her specific characteristics, talents, gifting and purpose. She then realized that the room was other worldly, as if this were a picture of her creation before birth. “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world…” Ephesians 1:4

Wait a minute, before the creation of the world? Can that really be true? Well, Psalm 139:13 teaches us, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” God lovingly, carefully and purposely created you. He created you to have a certain hair and skin color, to have certain aptitudes and interests and he created you to love Him. Do you believe it?

Years ago I had my own vision. I saw a large, wrapped gift, sitting on an urban street corner. A shiny, white Suburban pulled up and a well-groomed boy, sitting on the passenger side, powered down the window. Mildly interested, he studied the present. Then he turned up his nose, closed the shaded window, and drove away. Moments later, a barefoot kid in tattered clothes came running around the corner, saw the present and gleefully tore it open.

To me, the gift on the corner represents God offering us new life. But we each have a choice. If we think we don’t need it (like the boy in the suburban) we miss the gift and everything that goes with it. When we realize that our spiritual and emotional state is more like the impoverished kid, then we are in a place to receive it and its benefits.

We also need to see ourselves as God sees us. “You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked” (Rev. 3:17). This is a mystery, that we are both valuable and wretched. We were created and designed by God, but our sin separates us from him. Can you feel it? Can you see the beauty and the corruption in you? In Christ, God is offering the gift of new life. Will you receive it?

The beauty of this gift is that it keeps giving. If you’ve already accepted the gift, what else does God have for you? Never stopping seeking the God of new life because there is always more.

Parents, are you a doorstop?

If you have kids, you know that they like to test the boundaries. However, holding the boundaries can be one of the hardest tasks we face as parents. At times I’ve found myself guilt tripping my kids instead of giving them consequences. Guilt or shame says, “You are bad when you do that – stop it” which sends the message that they are only loved when they do the right thing. Enforcing boundaries, however, says, “You are not allowed to do that and I understand that you’re upset about it” which teaches them they are loved despite bad behavior.

While praying about this issue recently, I felt the Lord say, You are like a doorstop. Your son wants his way, so he pushes at you, but you need to stand firm, holding the door open for his future. He cannot see past tomorrow, so you must hold the vision for him. If you let him get his way in the moment, you are closing the door for a healthy future.

What a picture. I never thought of myself as a doorstop before, and can’t say that I relish the role. But the winds of testing always come and someone needs to be the doorkeeper. We parents have been given the sacred trust of raising adults. I want to step up to that role, so that my kids may experience a more satisfying and relationally healthy future.

Acceptance vs. Control

“Accept one another…” Rom 15:7

I recently asked myself, “What is the opposite of control?” My answer – Acceptance.
The word Accept, means “to accommodate or reconcile yourself to.” If I am focused on accepting someone, there leaves little room for controlling. One way to love others is by accepting them. According to Mautrana, love is to “Open up for him room for existence beside us” (from Tree of Knowledge). When we make a place for someone next to us, we accept him.

What if instead of saying “I love you” I said, “I accept you.” This can make us control freaks cringe. Some of us have a list of things we don’t accept about our family members or friends. Wouldn’t it be better if they changed? We feel safer having things our way. But it’s a false sense of security and puts our own wants, wishes and desires, above others. We’re saying what I want is more important than what you want, which is the antithesis of love.

I’ve been practicing acceptance lately and it’s not easy. My family members, on the other hand, seem happier. I’m learning that I can be content even when people aren’t changing the way I think they should. Maybe if I let others be the gift that they are, let them struggle, give them grace, we will all find more peace.

Dead End Dialogues

I love talking with my family and friends. There’s nothing more satisfying than a long, deep conversation. But haven’t we all had lengthy discussions with people where, afterward, we felt no closer to the person?  I recently had the revelation that  long talks can actually build walls. Now that seems crazy on one hand, because communication is the key to intimacy. So how can it build walls?

I’ve observed that when someone tells me every little detail about the trip she took or what she did last week, I find myself backing away. I have this picture in my mind of these bricks being placed one on top of another as the friend talks. Sometimes beneath this is a fear of rejection. I had this problem early in my marriage. My husband used to say, “I feel like you aren’t talking to me, you’re just talking.” I wasn’t sensitive to my listener. I was building walls.

Another intimacy blocker is to hide your true feelings. You agree with the other person, you nod and smile, but all the while you have another story in your heart and mind that you are withholding. A lot of talking may go on, but no resolution or intimacy results. Talking a lot can be a form of manipulation - you get attention from the other person but no intimacy - a dead end dialogue.

Do you have deep, satisfying exchanges with others? If not, try paying attention to your speech patterns. If you tend to talk a lot, ask yourself, “Why am I saying this?” And be honest with yourself. Also, check in with your listener – do they seem engaged or are they inching away from you? Are you hiding your true feelings in conversations? Take a risk and share your heart with someone you trust. We all have an opportunity, when we talk with people, to build intimacy or walls. What will you choose?

Spiritual Bird Spikes

Recently while looking out my bedroom window, my attention was drawn to the bird spikes in the eaves. I had noticed them before, at other places, they’re those spikey things over the lettering outside of stores. Their job is to prevent birds from nesting. If a bird flies into the eaves on our balcony or on top of the store sign, the spikes will poke her, causing her to look elsewhere to build a nest.

I can relate to feeling poked. This year we were forced to move out of our nest, a spacious, comfortable home. We’ve had to rely on the benevolence of others and deal with the stress of unemployment. I didn’t like being poked, but it’s as if God had forced me out of my comfort zone – saying, “Don’t nest here.”

Like a good parent, it is often God’s desire to use the problems and difficulties of life to teach and change us. Every child growing up needs boundaries – they want to know what they can or can’t do. This helps them to feel secure, even if they balk at the discipline. Perhaps it is the same way with God, he allows hardship so we learn to rely upon him. He is a good father, seeking to lead us down his path to a better nesting place.

Has God allowed bird spikes in your life? Maybe you’ve lost your home, a job or a relationship. Instead of complaining or cursing the spikes we can ask God what he is teaching us. We can tell him we don’t like it, but ask him to show us what purpose and meaning we can derive from it. We can learn to trust him to be a good parent, working all things for our ultimate good.

Indirect Control

Today we will look at the roles women play when they control indirectly, from Sullivan’s book, The Control Trap. Indirect controllers usually have self-esteem issues and dislike direct requests or offers. They use subtle ways to undermine and manipulate people. Here are the roles these women take:

The Manipulator: This woman is usually quiet and unassuming. She often gives mixed messages, like, “It’s okay, I’ll just sit here in the dark, or “Bill seems like a kind person, but he sure could stand to lose some weight.” She plays on a person’s guilt to sway him. She won’t directly ask someone for help but will make them feel guilty or obligated so that they will help.

The Martyr: This woman also suffers from low self-esteem and has trouble receiving from others. She gives and sacrifices for her family, but if she received from them, she’d lose her superior position as the “giver.” Her family members feel guilty and obligated for all that the Martyr does for them. She comes off looking like a saint to outsiders, but she really has trapped her family in immaturity, as she doesn’t let them do things for themselves.

The Invalid: This individual uses illness to control people. If someone does something that upsets her, she gets a “head ache.” This shuts down communication and causes the family member to feel guilty for upsetting her. The Invalid’s sicknesses keep her at the center of attention. She expresses her desire to be a better parent/spouse but can’t give up the power being sick gives her.

The Mask: A woman in this role has an ultra sweet demeanor, always wanting to not be a burden and saying things like, “I don’t want to take up too much of your valuable time.” This makes it difficult for others to confront her. However, if you cross her, the mask comes off and she goes into attack mode.

The Flirt uses her feminine charms to control others. She knows just how to bat her eyes and fling her hair to get others to do things for her. Usually deep inside she harbors a fear of intimacy that keeps her from close relationships.

The Baby uses tears to shut down conversations due to their “upsetting” nature. She uses baby talk to protect herself from adult problems and conflict.

Sexual Politics – A woman may take advantage of her lower sex-drive to manipulate her husband. She may turn on the charms when she wants something from her husband or keep her legs folded if he doesn’t give her what she wants.

The Belittler uses subtle put-downs and jokes to control her husband. She tries to shame him, make herself feel better or to get him to change. She also might go on and on about how Sally’s husband took her on a Hawaiian vacation, implicitly chastising her husband for not doing the same.

Do you see yourself in any of these? I think everyone is controlling at times. Since low self-esteem is at the root of control one way out is learning to love and accept yourself. Take a year and study God’s love and let His love begin to change you. Most of the reasons we control are due to unresolved issues from our past. For that, I highly recommend healing prayer. See the book Prayers that Heal the Heart by Virkler.

Direct Methods of the Control Freak

Today, I’m looking at the roles that Control Freaks take, from Barbara Sullivan’s book, The Control Trap for women. We’ll first look at the “Direct” roles – The Boss, The Mother, The Nag, and The Intimidator. The next post will cover the “Indirect” methods described by Sullivan.

The Boss – She is the one who rules her whole household. Since her husband has evaded family problems and perhaps works long hours, The Boss has made it her role to manage everyone. Sullivan describes a mother who has bombarded her oldest son with all the reasons he shouldn’t go to college out of state, causing constant friction. Her son actually wants to go out of state to avoid her, but also feels vaguely guilty because The Boss now has an ulcer. When her husband or kids have a problem, she is there to “rescue” them.

The Mother – This woman is the type who mothers her own husband. A subtle example of this is when a wife reaches over and wipes her husbands chin while they are eating. She has crossed over the line to treat her husband like a child. Often The Mother is an enabler of a substance abuser. She “cleans up, covers up, makes up for him…scolds, punishes and then accepts back her wayward child.” She feels powerless to change her husband, all the while reinforcing the unhealthy pattern.

The Nag – Delilah, from the bible is an example of The Nag. Delilah repeatedly asked Sampson the secret to his strength, until she wore him down and he revealed it. The Nag drives her family away, causing her husband to avoid her and her children to ultimately rebel. She often doesn’t recognize her behavior, thinking she is just reminding or helping.

The Intimidator – She controls through simmering anger, erupting whenever things don’t go her way.  Family members are always checking with The Intimidator to see how she is responding. If she smiles, they relax, if she pouts, they feel shamed. Her family tiptoes around her, trying not to upset her, but all the while resenting her.

Do you see yourself in any of these descriptions? I do. If you want to change, ask your family members if they feel controlled by you. Let your spouse know that you are working on this and give him permission to lovingly point out when you are domineering. My husband and I have developed a just-between-us code for this, so it’s less threatening. Awareness is the first step to change. Make choices to turn away from control and ask God to transform you into the accepting person you were meant to be.

Are you a Control Freak?

     If your coworker or family member behaves in a way that bothers you, do you try to change them? Do you make unsolicited suggestions to others? Do you manipulate to get your way? If so, you may be a control freak.
     I confess that I, myself, am a recovering control freak. Many people, like myself, became controllers after having been abused or manipulated as children. When young people are shamed and disempowered, they try to regain a feeling of control. Fear of being violated again drives the need to be in control.
     As this issue surfaced in my life, God showed me that control is actually misplaced trust. Control trusts one’s self to feel safe, rather than depending on God. But how can we trust in a God who allows all kinds of destructive and horrific abuse to occur? One time, I screamed– “How could you let that abuse happen to me??” I heard His gentle answer, “Because I knew that one day, I would heal you.” Another time I wailed, “Where were you?” He replied, “I fell down the stairs with you.”
     God cares deeply about each one of us and wants us to be whole. When we dare to believe this, we can begin to heal on a deep level. When we start to follow the way of repentance and forgiveness, set up by our Creator, we begin to change. We need to bring before God our hurts and forgive those who have wounded and disempowered us. We also should turn away from the wrong ways we’ve responded to those who have hurt us. This process has many layers and can take years, but the results are sure.
     A major issue with control is it can look good, even beneficial. “I’m just trying to help my husband get to bed on time,” I may protest. But God is looking at my heart. Am I really trying to help, or is it that I want him in bed so I know where he is and what he is doing? If I am honest with myself, I am seeking to change his behavior so I feel safe. I am asking him to give up the dignity of making his own choices so I can feel a certain way. The Lord sees this as dehumanizing. Controlling behavior actually says, “I’m willing to use and abuse you to make myself feel safe or strong.” Control, then, taken to the extreme, is akin to rape. I don’t think anyone truly wants to be on that path.
     If you struggle with issues of control, it is vital that you see how destructive it can be. We must turn away from controlling others and release them into God’s hands. Repent and release. If you feel this issue is intractable in your life there is help. I’ve listed some resources below.
We were designed to live in harmony and peace, not controlling and manipulating one another. Let’s reach for God’s love and forgiveness and ask Him to transform us into the loving, giving people He intended us to be. Let’s take steps toward change so that those around us experience healing acceptance instead of confining control.


Resources:
The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
The Control Trap by Barbara Sullivan
Prayers that Heal the Heart by Virkler

Would God say that?

Recently the idea occurred to me to ask myself, “Would God say that to me?” So many different thoughts pass through my mind in a day, but how many of them are beneficial? While swimming in our pool the other day, I heard, “I am SO out of shape!” Then I considered, “Would God say that to me?” No, God doesn’t accuse me, he might correct or convict me, but he never accuses me. So I said to myself, “I’m getting stronger and stronger.”

Our very thoughts can predict our future. If we “know” we aren’t going to get that job, and so don’t even apply for it, we fulfill our own words. If we think, “No one is going to like me” we often act in such a way that people steer away from us. God created language and designed us to communicate with one another. Written into the very fabric of human existence is the power of words. Since thoughts proceed words, we should think about what we are thinking about. When negative thoughts come into our minds, we can speak into the opposite spirit. If I think, “I’m never going to finish this project” I can say, “By the grace of God I will finish.”

I want to challenge you, when a questionable thought comes into your mind, ask yourself “Would God say that to me?” Then speak into the opposite spirit. I’m going to put a post-it note up right now to remind myself. How about you?

Humility and Surrender

Earlier last week, I almost sank into depression. As I considered that our family would be moving into a small apartment, my thoughts were swirling… Is this what I get for following God? Where are we going to put all our stuff – I won’t even have a garage to stick stuff in. Why does a little apartment have to cost so much? I’m “downwardly mobile.” We had such a nice home and now….

Wait. What is this? This is an attack. Satan is trying to steal my peace and joy. He wants me to foresee a rotten future and feel sorry for myself. Okay, but isn’t it true that I’m downwardly mobile? Well, wasn’t Jesus downwardly mobile? I thought of Philippians 2:6 “Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant…” Jesus left his home in heaven, to come down here – a definite downgrade. However, because Jesus did this… “God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name.” Sometimes you have to go down before you go up.

As I was pondering this thought, a song came to mind. I’ve learned to pay attention to the songs that are on my heart…

I'm giving You my heart, and all that is within

I lay it all down, for the sake of You my King.

I'm giving You my dreams, I’m laying down my rights,

I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life

And I Surrender

All to You, all to You

Oh, right. I need to surrender, to give this to God and let Him have His way and lay aside all the doubts and fears about my future… “What if my husband’s contract job ends and we can’t afford to stay. What if…” I gave it all to Him.

I was looking forward to going to church and what song did they just “happen” to sing? “Surrender.” I got on my knees and wept, surrendering all my fears, my future, my pride – laying it all at His feet. Recently, my hubby put down the security deposit and we are moving this month. I’m choosing to focus on the positive, we get to live in a nice, clean apartment and my kids will swim in the pool this summer. On to another adventure with Jesus at the helm, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

(Marc James, Surrender)

Humility and Love

Humility and Love

I recently finished reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller.  In it, Miller makes a startling observation. He says Christians use love as a commodity. If someone wears the right clothes, speaks and acts like we do, we accept them. If they look unkempt or act strangely– we withhold love and acceptance.

Miller said that the season in his life where he felt most accepted by people was when he was living with hippies. They had no agenda for him, no code of honor, they just ‘let it be.’ How tragic that the people who love God are sometimes the last to give it.

When we don’t accept people as God calls us to, we end up turning Christianity into a bunch of rules. Then we sit around judging each other for not measuring up. Often, we fear rejection from others, and unwittingly become a slave to needing to act a certain way to be loved (this is Performance Orientation - see previous post).

In Matthew 5:46 Jesus says, “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even tax collectors doing that?”  Jesus calls his followers to something much higher then the worldly standards for love. He calls us to love the unlovely.

In the bible, the main message of First Corinthians chapter thirteen, is – If I do good deeds, but don’t have love in my heart, it counts for nothing.  Nothing.

God isn’t solely looking for actions, he is looking at the motivation of our hearts. If this sounds impossible, I think it’s supposed to be. God doesn’t want us to love out of human strength, he wants us to be participate with him in supernatural love. It is only by the power of the Holy Spirit that we can accomplish this.

I’m getting the revelation that true love requires humility. You can’t strive to be popular or well liked and love people like Christ calls us to. In humbling ourselves and asking God for his love, we will begin to love like He does.

I believe the greatest cure for lack of love (and Performance Orientation) is having a heart revelation of God’s deep and abiding care for us, personally. Years ago, I consciously took time to immerse myself in God’s love. For a year I only read scripture passages on the love of God. I only listened to music or teaching series on the topic. Slowly my heart began to receive God’s love like never before. I began to accept myself, and others, in a new way. I didn’t need other people’s approval to feel okay. Freedom.

I’ve also found that when I ask God to help me love someone, He provides. When I’ve been obedient to reach out to “the least of these” often I’m blessed in a way I hadn’t anticipated.  Sometimes all that is necessary is simple obedience.

I love the phrase “Jesus reduce me to love.” Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Humility and Performance Orientation

Humility and Performance Orientation

For a season in my life, many of the Christians around me believed that in order to be a good example toward others, we should project an appearance of perfection. We should dress nicely and try to do good works. While something didn’t seem quite right about that, I jumped right in, determining to do the “right” things so that I would be esteemed and liked by everyone.

Later, I came to see this approach as Performance Orientation (PO). PO means the bent of your life is to look good/do the right thing, so that you can feel good about yourself and gain acceptance from others and God.

The problem with Performance Orientation is love can neither be bought nor earned.

God began to change my viewpoint after I attended an experiential Christian conference. It was revealed to me there how fake I had become – how totally PO I was acting. God showed me that what I had to offer people was actually my own brokenness.

I began to get the revelation that you can’t be Performance Oriented and broken at the same time. I discovered that PO actually has its roots in pride. Pride hides her imperfections. Pride is Puffed-up, Rigid, Independent, Demanding and Egocentric. When I am Performance Oriented I risk God’s opposition, since He opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

The bible instructs us many times to humble ourselves. Therefore, looking good in front of others is actually the opposite of what God wants us to do. The people in the bible who were the most “together” were the ones Jesus had the strongest words for. He called the Pharisees white washed tombs – clean on the outside but rotting within. Isn’t that what we’re doing when needing to look perfect?

When I’m honest about my problems and weaknesses people open up to me about their struggles. This builds intimacy and depth to relationships. The fruit then, of living from a place of brokenness is intimacy and encouragement for others who struggle.

Even though humbling ourselves is difficult, each of us has a choice everyday – do I project an air of perfection and risk God’s judgment and isolation from people or do I humble myself and gain the favor and grace of God, along with intimacy with others? What will you choose?